I Am Anxious... Ellen Hopkins
The award-winning author discusses income-based anxiety, single mother stresses, waking at 4 AM, and her new YA novel SYNC.
Ellen Hopkins is a former freelance journalist and the award-winning author of four novels for adult readers, two middle grade novels-in-verse, and fourteen bestselling YA verse novels.
Her fifteenth young adult novel, SYNC, is now available wherever books are sold.
“It's about twins separated by the foster care system and tackles foster care, juvenile detention, and homelessness. I've worked with foster kids and aged out foster kids and want readers to understand their difficult journeys.”
You can find her on Twitter, Facebook, Substack, and on her website.
How long have you been an anxious person?
Since I had kids and became a single mom in my early twenties. Honestly, I wouldn't have considered myself an anxious person but thinking about it, anxiety wakes me almost every morning around 4 a.m.
I'm the head of my evolving family, even with a long-time supportive husband, and fiscally responsible, some years for as many as six people. My brain is always concerned about bills, taxes, deadlines, school, travel for my work, etc., and uses that early morning time to remind me of all the things I've forgotten or need to do.
What is your earliest memory of being anxious?
I was not anxious as a child, or into my teens. Again, it began when I had to raise three young children on my own while running a business (video store when video was newish). I imagine most single parents experience the same kind of worry. Balancing work and family is always difficult, but without a partner it can be overwhelming.
Have you ever experienced a panic attack?
Not full-blown.
What are some of your anxiety triggers? What makes you most anxious?
They are mostly income-based. Waiting for advance or royalty checks when the bank account is low and I have to budget for food/bills until they arrive. Also, upcoming travel makes me anxious about how the household will run while I'm gone. They always seem to survive, but that doesn't make me worry less.
How do you feel physically and emotionally when you’re anxious?
Physically, slightly nauseous. Emotionally, I tend to withdraw.
What do you do when you feel anxious? How do you take care of yourself in those situations? Do you have any anxiety management tips or tricks?
In the early morning, I write. Not books. Poetry. Substack posts. Stuff that allows me to put my feelings on paper. Later in the day, something physical. Walking or gardening. Gardening is especially helpful because it's something I can control, and it results in beauty or sustenance. Oh, and cooking, especially baking. Again, I control the outcome.
How do you feel your anxiety affects your family, friends, and overall social life?
I rarely let them see it, but if they do it's because I snap. I tend to hold everything in until it has to escape somehow. I'm not the physical sort, but I've been known to yell and once in a while I'll throw something. I'm generally a pretty social animal, but there are times I'd rather just stay home.
How do you feel about the portrayal of mental health and anxiety in Pop Culture (books, movies, music, etc)? Do you feel it's accurate?
I think often it runs toward stereotypes. As I said, most people never see the anxious me, but to portray it, viewers/readers/listeners have to be told a character suffers from it. So it tends to feel more told than shown.
What is the best advice you've ever received?
Look for the helpers. I have a few friends who know and understand the darker side of me. They're always there when I need them.
Is there anything else you would like to add?
Don't assume because someone always seems fine that they are. There will be subtle clues. If those clues become obvious, offer an ear.
Editor’s Note: This interview was edited slightly for length and clarity.
Thank you so much, Ellen!
You can grab a copy of SYNC everywhere right now. Ellen’s books have been a staple in our house for many years and I highly recommend all her work.
If you are interested in being a part of the newsletter in the coming weeks and taking the I Am Anxious… questionnaire, please email me (scott.neumyer@gmail.com) and I’ll get you on the list. I’d love to have you!
Be well and keep talking.
DISCLAIMER: I am, by no means, a medical profession. If you need help, please seek qualified medical attention. This newsletter, while informative and fun, is no substitute for the real thing.