I Am Anxious... Michelle Dowd
I Am Anxious... Michelle Dowd
The author and journalism professor opens up about abandonment, isolation, and finding comfort in nature.
Michelle Dowd is a journalism professor and contributor to The New York Times, The Los Angeles Times, and other national publications.
Her popular Modern Love column in The New York Times inspired her memoir, Forager: Field Notes on Surviving a Family Cult, which showcases her life growing up on an isolated mountain in California as part of an apocalyptic cult, and how she found her way out of poverty and illness by drawing on the gifts of the wilderness. Forager… is available now wherever books are sold.
You can find her on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, and on her website.
How long have you been an anxious person?
Since I was left in the hospital when I was 10.
What is your earliest memory of being anxious?
When I was left in "isolation" in a Children's Hospital, with a rare blood disease, I felt like I'd embarrassed and let down my family, and that I was a burden. Sometimes, I find myself still trying to make up for that.
Have you ever experienced a panic attack?
Yes.
What are some of your anxiety triggers? What makes you most anxious?
Doctors and hospitals; romantic love.
How do you feel physically and emotionally when you’re anxious?
It's a feeling of claustrophobia, like I'm trapped in a small box and can't breathe.
What do you do when you feel anxious? How do you take care of yourself in those situations? Do you have any anxiety management tips or tricks?
Get outside, preferably in nature, and just start walking.
Mindful, patterned breathing.
Sustained exercise - if I have control over my time and location, I go for a run or take a yoga class.
How do you feel your anxiety affects your family, friends, and overall social life?
I get anxious in crowds and sometimes I take off without saying goodbye. Those who know and love me accept this about me, but early on in relationships, this behavior can seem rude and dismissive.
When you're not feeling anxious (simply in your day-to-day life), what do you do for self care?
I try to find ways to move my body outdoors, every day, no matter the weather.
What are some of your favorite examples of Pop Culture that gets anxiety and mental health right?
In a college course, when I was 18, we were assigned The Bell Jar, by Sylvia Plath. It was the first novel I read in which I recognized my myself. Other books that have made me feel less alone include: The Golden Notebook by Doris Lessing; Beloved and Song of Solomon, by Toni Morrison; The Secret Life of Bees, by Sue Monk Kidd; A Little Life, by Hanya Yanagihara; Where the Crawdads Sing, by Delia Owens; The Sentence, by Louise Erdrich; Normal People, by Sally Rooney
What is the best advice you've ever received?
You do not need to be fixed.
Is there anything else you would like to add?
My interview with you was the most comfortable interview I've ever done.
Editor’s Note: This interview was edited slightly for length and clarity.
Thank you, Michelle! I appreciate you saying that about our Shondaland interview so much. The pleasure was all mine, and I really enjoyed how open and honest you were not only in our interview, but also here in this space. Thanks again!
If you are interested in being a part of the newsletter in the coming weeks and taking the I Am Anxious… questionnaire, please email me (scott.neumyer@gmail.com) and I’ll get you on the list! I’d love to have you. I would love to get to the point where we are sharing so many reader stories that I’m backed up for months.
Be well and keep talking.
DISCLAIMER: I am, by no means, a medical profession. If you need help, please seek qualified medical attention. This newsletter, while informative and fun, is no substitute for the real thing.