I Am Anxious... Mirin Fader
The New York Times bestselling author and writer talks halftime panic attacks, being public with art, baking, and learning to let it pass.
Mirin Fader is a senior staff writer for The Ringer. Her first book, Giannis: The Improbable Rise of an NBA Champion, was a New York Times Bestseller, Los Angeles Times Bestseller, Wall Street Journal Bestseller, USA Today Bestseller, and Publishers Weekly Bestseller. She has profiled some of the NBA’s biggest stars, including Giannis Antetokounmpo, Ja Morant, DeMar DeRozan, and LaMelo Ball, telling the backstories that have shaped some of our most complex, most dominant, heroes.
Fader’s latest book Dream: The Life and Legacy of Hakeem Olajuwon is available now.
This is my second book and I'm really passionate about telling the story of one of the most underrated athletes of our time. More importantly, he was and still is a role model off the court for so many different communities.
You can find her on Instagram, Twitter, Substack, and on her website.
How long have you been an anxious person?
All my life, but I never heard the word "anxiety" until I went to college (graduated from Occidental College in 2013. Born in '91). We simply didn't have these terms when I was playing basketball competitively in club, high school, AAU, and my first year in college.
What is your earliest memory of being anxious?
I was in seventh grade at my first AAU basketball practice and I was incredibly nervous. I knew the term "nervous" and I thought I was just nervous because I wanted to do a good job and compete and make the team, but I had, what I now can look back and realize, crippling anxiety. My stomach would hurt badly, and I'd feel really anxious and ruminate about the practice for hours, before and after, criticizing my every move.
Have you ever experienced a panic attack?
I have. I was once playing in a really important basketball game, and my stomach was killing me from all of the anxiety, and at halftime I remember going to the bathroom and thinking, I'm not okay. I need to throw up. I didn't vomit, but I just kept breathing really, really hard. Again, I didn't know this was a panic attack then, but all of the anxiety just manifested physically for me in that moment.
What are some of your anxiety triggers? What makes you most anxious?
Being on TV, being public with my art. Journalists of our age are taught to "brand yourself!" and "go on TikTok!" I get really self conscious and find this part of book promotion or article promotion incredibly difficult. I like my focus to be on my stories, my art, the people I'm covering, not myself, and I get deeply uncomfortable and anxious when I have to go on TV or do a public speaking event. I can't avoid it; if anything I've had to lean into it and just try to become better at doing it, or better at taking care of myself before and after it.
How do you feel physically and emotionally when you’re anxious?
I feel it immediately in my stomach. There's just this intense feeling, I can't describe it. Everyone says I look "fine" and "great" on the outside, and that I'm "really bubbly" and "great at interviews" when I have to speak publicly, but inside, I'm struggling a bit.
What do you do when you feel anxious? How do you take care of yourself in those situations? Do you have any anxiety management tips or tricks?
I've been in therapy for the last decade, and I've learned — and am still learning — to not try to rationalize or out-think the anxiety and try to tell myself to breathe or to calm myself, because logic doesn't work when you are in fear mode. I hold myself, and I remind myself that it will pass, but it is here now, and it's just going to be here for a little while. Like the weather, it will pass.
How do you feel your anxiety affects your family, friends, and overall social life?
My friends and family are aware and compassionate about my struggles, thankfully.
When you're not feeling anxious (simply in your day-to-day life), what do you do for self care?
I love to bake! It's another form of creation for me. It gets me out of my thinking brain and working with my hands. It's such a pleasure and so fun to make something out of nothing and then make it all pretty. I like to take care of myself by making myself a nice meal, too, for dinner.
How do you feel about the portrayal of mental health and anxiety in Pop Culture (books, movies, music, etc)? Do you feel it's accurate?
It's getting better but still ultimately has so far to go, especially in sports media. I think we need to have better resources for those that do open up and the "vulnerability hangover" that can happen afterward that many experience. The NBA, and other professional leagues, seem to say the right things, but I'm not sure actual structures are in place to help people.
What are some of your favorite examples of Pop Culture that gets anxiety and mental health right?
Sonya Renee Taylor's work is really great about specifically the body — and I find that she understands the mental gymnastics that so many of us go through on this topic, and she is such a light in this world.
What is the best advice you've ever received?
You are not your thoughts.
Is there anything else you would like to add?
I interview NBA players for a living. They are millionaires. And they, too, struggle with mental health. Please read my profile on DeMar DeRozan. We talked about his mental health struggles and I found his commentary on mental health and anxiety really inspiring and warm. He is a great role model.
Editor’s Note: This interview was edited slightly for length and clarity.
Thank you so much, Mirin!
Even if you’ve never picked up a basketball in your life, I highly recommend not only picking up Mirin’s two excellent books, but also digging into the archives and reading her profiles. Her profiles aren’t just sports stories or profiles of athletes — they are human stories and works of art that will help you better understand the human condition. What more could you ask for?
If you are interested in being a part of the newsletter in the coming weeks and taking the I Am Anxious… questionnaire, please email me (scott.neumyer@gmail.com) and I’ll get you on the list. I’d love to have you!
Be well and keep talking.
DISCLAIMER: I am, by no means, a medical profession. If you need help, please seek qualified medical attention. This newsletter, while informative and fun, is no substitute for the real thing.
Good stuff!